The life-changing moment I decided to write a fantasy novel

Pull up a chair, if you will, and imagine the scene: it’s late December 2022, and I have a week-long break over the winter holidays from my full-time job. My notebook, featuring a lively fabric cover sewn by a friend, is sitting on the side table. The living room is freshly painted light gray. We’ve only been living in our first house for six months. And it’s cozy; quilts I’ve made are draped over nearly every surface, and the tree is strung with tiny white lights.

Of course, having a paid week-long break from a job is a huge privilege—over the holidays no less—and not one that everyone gets. I’m aware of how lucky I am. And this is one reason people should have breaks—so they can engage in pursuits that make them happy. When I tell this story, I’m fully aware of the privileges I have beside this: I don’t have kids; I have a safe space in which to write; I have a loving partner who fully supports and celebrates my writing. Of course, writing a book is possible under many circumstances.

Anyway, before winter break started, I told myself that I would sit down with the notebook and write whatever came to mind. Really, it was going to be that freeing.

Being an avid reader of fantasy books, worlds and names and flashes of scenes have whirled through my mind for years. How a red-berried tree casts against the blue-gray sky outside my home office window. The majesty of the Rocky Mountains in real life. How standing on the Charles Bridge in Prague nearly took my breath away and reels through my mind regularly as if I’m re-watching an old film.

One day during that break, my spouse was playing video games in the basement, and I sat down in the very couch seat I occupy now. And I drew a map which, really, hasn’t changed much at all (somehow). Almost as if, once I drew the first draft, the map was actually carved into being, and I, as the goddess of this brand spanking new fantasy world, did not dare chop down a single tree.

I distinctly remember drawing that map (I still have it - I’ll have to share it once the book is published because…spoilers!). I remember writing two short scenes that made it into the book: one where my main character sees a new city for the first time (inspired by my moment in Prague, actually!), and one featuring a lantern festival. And from there, the characters evolved. I didn’t know who they would be, at all.

Over that week I spent hours upon hours writing character ideas, more scenes, the bones of a sweeping epic fantasy plot, and the tales of a long history of my fantasy world.

I thought maybe by the end of that week, I’d be tired of spending more time on the computer (one of my constant hang-ups for years—I already spend so much time typing. Why would I choose to do it more, to write?). I thought I’d have exhausted the passion that raged within me on that first day.

But no - my passion was anything but exhausted. The story felt real (as I wrote about in the last issue), and I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking an ancient, sprawling city, its buildings still a mystery to me, but all the same, I wanted to know. I wanted to know what lay inside each one.

And so, I wrote the book. One year later, on the exact day I started (I promise, this was NOT at all planned, but boy, did it feel good), I sent my completed first book to beta readers.

That makes it sound really simple, and it was the opposite. I navigated plot holes. I dreamt up one villainous dragon. I made 7 complex character stories interconnect. I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning on work nights, tweaking and prepping and drafting and finalizing when I couldn’t sleep. I read it ten times in full so far (four times aloud, to my spouse/alpha reader). When I thought I couldn’t read it again, I realized how proud I was. How much my writing had changed. And of course, how much I had changed.

If anything, I wrote my book for me. But I can’t wait to share it. I. Can’t. Wait.

-Beta readers are sending in final comments on my first book (ah!). I’ve been lucky because they’re all focusing on all different things. By the way, I’ve learned that homophones are HARD (shown vs. shone, baited vs. bated). Every time they find one of those, I’m like 🫠. But it's for the best. And their character/pacing/story feedback is most valuable to me.

Basically, I'm going to be working very hard at FINAL REVISIONS for the next month or two. I’m trying not to put a deadline on it because this is so, so important, and I don’t know how long it will take with, you know, life and a full-time job. I’m in the early stages of prepping my query materials for agents. So there’s a lot going on behind the scenes.

I’m also recovering from wisdom teeth removal (lots of mac n cheese, lots of smoothies/milkshakes, lots of naps). Yesterday I tried to work on some edits and thought, “Wow, maybe I should just scrap this entire book,” which was my sign that really, I just needed a nap (this is a John Mulaney reference, and yes, it has helped me).

Besides an inordinate amount of rest, I’m soaking up the very early spring vibes here in New Jersey. My first tiny daffodils bloomed TODAY and I actually gasped. I think I scared my cat.

-I’m a feature at Poetpalooza, which means I get 7 minutes to read some of my best work in front of a whole lot of poets, publishers, family, and booklovers. It should be a blast, and I’m starting to think about which poems I want to read. Probably “My Body,” because I’ve been feeling that one deeply lately. I’ve read it at a couple open mics recently and it was cathartic.

Here’s a look at one poem I posted on Instagram recently (there’s more to it right here). You can find more of my poetry on IG under the story highlight titled, “Poems.”

Watching: My husband and I are savoring the new season of Somebody Feed Phil on Netflix. It’s one of our all-time favorite shows. If you skip that intro song, you don’t deserve Phil, just saying. I literally pump up the volume. It never fails to make me smile.

I also recently was lucky to see two shows: Little Shop of Horrors off-Broadway with my favorite and only sister and her fiancé (we love him!!), which is also one of my most beloved shows for the music (“Suddenly Seymour” 🌱❤️). I also saw Fun Home the musical for the first time with my dear friend Julie. It was so well done. The aspect I most loved, within the sad story, is that the main character was portrayed through 3 different actors throughout her life: kid, college, and 40s. It made me think a lot (more) about my inner child and how I perceived things when I was that age. I shut that part of myself out for a long time because I always felt awkward and out of place as a child. So I’m working on a poem about that, of course.

Listening: Lately, I’ve been back on a podcast kick. Right now, I’m listening to We Can Do Hard Things and A Little Queer Podcast. And I’m excited that Parks and Recollection is back. It’s the rewatch podcast for Parks and Recreation, probably my favorite TV show of all time.

Crafting: I am going on a quilt retreat in April (!!!) with about 80 quilters. So I’m working on the gifts for my secret partner! I’m not allowed to post any photos. I’m the swap organizer so I have to listen to myself. 😁

Otherwise, I finally went back to my in-person quilt guild meeting in February and had such a blast (so here’s a picture of me sharing one of the only quilts I’ve finished in the last couple years! Yes, my eyes are closed! No, I cannot take normal pictures!):

Reading: I’ve been all over the place with books over the last month. I got really into shorter books (The Monk and Robot series, and This is How You Lose the Time War, all of which I absolutely adored. Time War changed my brain chemistry). I read a couple graphic novels and now I’ve just started The High Mountain Court by A.K. Mulford, which has been on my list for a while.

Also, on audio, I just finished The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. I am in absolute awe of her poetic writing. Though I’m really burnt out on reading about wars and battles, so it’s time for a little break (this is why I wrote a fantasy book without a war. Listen, if I ever write a book about a war, you’ll know it wasn’t me). 🤷🏻‍♀️

That being said, I did start reading The Hobbit on audio, narrated by Andy Serkis. That one does famous have The Battle of the Five Armies, but luckily it’s not a huge part of the book! So far, I’m obsessed with the narration. Tolkien is a huge comfort read for me.

See you in April!

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